things guys say to me on the internet

"Hey Spunky Brewster!!!

So, I’m reading your profile & you sound like a super-normal, regular next door neighbor sort of woman. However; your pictures capture an unmentioned quality about you…

Something in your eyes, gives away the fact that you’re a bit spunky/sassy. There’s a more upbeat, playful, adventurous side that you didn’t describe. But it’s totally noticeable. (Just sayin’)


I deeply regret to inform you that it is unfortunate duty to bring it to your attention that you are above & beyond our maximum standard for looks.You are a 9 out of 10 & on OKC we only allow a max rating of 6 out of 10.Your account will be closed unless you reply with your phone number, favorite flower, how many marshmallows you can fit in your mouth(kidding), preferred dog breed, if you prefer Mexican or Italian cuisine, & you favorite football team.This is a very serious message, I advise you not to take it lightly or you may anger my boss which would be bad for the both of us.You’re probably wondering why an average fellow would waste his time messaging such a fox as yourself? I realize it might be a long shot for me to actually progress past these first few messages but we all dream, right?

— Cute.